Episode 26: What If You're the Toxic Person?
Oct 13, 2026 • E26 • 00:44:54
Toxic Behaviors, Accountability, Friendship Drama & How to Recognize When You're the Problem
What if you're the toxic person in the story?
It's easy to recognize toxic behavior when someone else is doing it. But what happens when we're the ones gossiping, avoiding accountability, holding people to standards we don't meet ourselves, or cutting people off instead of having an uncomfortable conversation?
In this episode of Mutually Unhinged, Lauren and Vicky are asking the question nobody particularly wants to answer: What if we're contributing to the relationship problems we're blaming on everyone else?
We're breaking down the signs of toxic behavior in friendships and relationships, from struggling to apologize sincerely and feeling jealous when friends succeed to expecting more from other people than we're willing to give in return.
We're also getting into the messy gray areas of friendship drama. Is talking about a friend always gossiping, or can venting be a healthy way to process your feelings? When does sharing someone's business cross a line? Is it always necessary to address conflict directly before ending a friendship? And how do you know when you're protecting your peace versus avoiding accountability?
We'll explore why we sometimes forgive our own behavior more easily than we forgive other people's, what happens when someone tells us we've hurt them, and why playing the victim can keep us from seeing our part in a conflict.
Because here's the uncomfortable truth: someone can genuinely hurt you and you can still have behaviors worth examining. Taking accountability for your actions doesn't mean accepting blame for everything that went wrong.
We'll also talk about what real change looks like, why a genuine apology requires more than saying the right words, and how to recognize the difference between making a mistake and repeatedly refusing to take responsibility for it.
This isn't about labeling yourself a toxic person forever. It's about getting honest enough to recognize patterns that may be hurting the people you care about, AND deciding what you're going to do differently.
So, if every friendship seems to end the same way, you struggle when someone calls you out, or you've ever wondered whether you're the common denominator in your conflicts, this conversation might hit a nerve.
And maybe that's exactly where the growth starts.
In this episode, we're unpacking:
- Signs of toxic behavior and the difference between intent and impact
- Accountability versus excuses when you've hurt someone
- Jealousy, comparison, and struggling to celebrate your friends
- Expecting more from others than you give yourself
- Venting versus gossiping and when sharing crosses a line
- Double standards, hypocrisy, and judging others for behaviors we excuse in ourselves
- Cutting people off versus avoiding difficult conversations
- Playing the victim when someone confronts you
- Recognizing when you're contributing to a recurring relationship pattern
- What genuine apologies, repair, and lasting change actually look like
Are You Healing or Just Surviving?
Ready to get more honest about your own patterns? Take our assessment, Are You Healing or Just Surviving?, to explore areas like people-pleasing, self-trust, emotional safety, boundaries, and the patterns that may be keeping you stuck.
Keep Listening
If this episode has you rethinking your own relationship patterns, keep the conversation going:
→ Episode 3 - Toxic Friendships - How to Spot Fake Friends & Walk Away Without Guilt: Revisit the conversation about fake friendships and toxic friendship dynamics, this time with a new perspective on your own role in the pattern.
→ Episode 15 - You’re Not Setting Boundaries - You’re Testing People: Explore the difference between healthy boundaries and behaviors that can create confusion, resentment, and distance.
→ Episode 5 - Episode 5: Self-Sabotage in Relationships - Why You Stay Stuck & How to Change It: Keep unpacking self-sabotage, personal responsibility, and what it means to own your part in a situation.
Mutually Unhinged is a relationship and self-awareness podcast about messy relationships, uncomfortable truths, emotional growth, and learning to recognize the patterns that keep us stuck.
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